PDF Ebook How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives, by Zachary Auburn
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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives, by Zachary Auburn
PDF Ebook How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives, by Zachary Auburn
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Product details
Paperback: 144 pages
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (October 4, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 045149492X
ISBN-13: 978-0451494924
Product Dimensions:
5.6 x 0.3 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
448 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#2,602 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
One cat loved it, the other thought it was very boring. See pictures.
Capt whiskerfuzzy pant's father is doing fifteen to life in cat prison. You owe it to your pets to teach them about the pitfalls of catnip and the gateway drug that it is. After reading this to my cats, I can honestly say that feline related shootings in my house have been zero.
I'm so glad someone finally put this information out. I never would've been able to approach my cat about gun safety, or overcome my fears that maybe he was in league with the dark lord. Now I can put all of my anxiety to bed and have a more meaningful relationship with my cat. Thank you Mr. Auburn!
My cat added this to his wishlist. He seems to enjoy it but is still distant as usual. I suspect catnip and/or pagans.
Let me just start by extending my utmost gratitude and appreciation to the author of this book. For years I watched in horror as my cat made decision after reckless decision, wasting eight of his precious God given lives. A tale as old as time...His first life was lost to marijuana poisoning. Second and third, sacrificial satanic rituals gone awry. Fourth life lost after a pistol misfire during a wild western style dual with the neighbor’s cat...(and don’t even get me started on the neighbor’s cat!) In his fifth life he hussled too hard. That one is particularly difficult for me to talk about without triggering a series of violent emotional fits, my apologies. During his sixth life he dabbled purr-fusely as an esteemed purr-fessional gigalo, falling victim to a wicked transmitted disease (Looking at you, neighbor’s cat!!!), the likes of which modern medicine has yet to find a cure. Much to my dismay, both his seventh AND eighth lives were spent smuggling weapons (and catnip) across the Canadian border. My cat, an arms dealer? And smuggling the “purr-p nip†illegals?! I’d just about had it, friends. One day shortly after he’d entered his ninth life, I noticed he’d checked out a book on Satanism from our local library. I’d also witnessed him making soft eyes at the neighbor’s cat. "NOT AGAIN" I thought, “NOT THIS TIME AROUND.†Fearful of what would happen if I didn’t intervene, I began to research diligently for any applicable preventative guidance that might be available to the public. I was determined to secure the purity and safety of my dear cat during his final curtain call in this malicious world! By chance, I stumbled upon this glorious and assistive owners guide. It has more than just your average, run of the mill tips and tricks. It provided my wounded heart and weary spirit with a roadmap to facilitating positive change. In it I found a fresh perspective and countless renewed approaches for talking openly with my cat, sans hesitation. We discussed the errs of recklessness with calculated purr-pose. Sure, we were both hesitant at first... cautious, slightly flustered and embarrassed. Despite the temporary social discomfort this book paved way for opportunity in developing an unfiltered bond of trust between the two of us. We collaborated. We discussed our feelings and experiences. We enlightened each other with the gift of perspective from our own personal lens. My cat now lives each day to the absolute fullest. He helps out around the house, folds laundry, and even makes dinner one night a week. He studied and invested in the stock market, finding a decent amount of success therein. He hasn’t stolen my car or any petty cash from my purse to this date and has yet to watch a single R rated film, insisting he has no desire to ever do so (the only exception being the Wolf of Wall Street). As an additional bonus he managed to convert the neighbor’s cat to Christianity, both of them swearing scout’s honor to a life of respectable celibacy! He also practices mindfulness, meditation and gratitude in hopes to one day land among the monks. Friends, I can now proudly declare that my cat has turned over many a new leaf! He is a positive and astute influence for all, a jovial saint, a blessing with fur—and it’s all thanks to this book! If you can relate in any way to the troubles and tribulations outlined in this review and are for some reason still on the fence about purchasing this book, allow me put your indecision to bed. You will not regret this investment in the slightest. Even if you don’t personally own a cat but know someone that does, buy it. It’s worth every penny to secure this credible, top-drawer reference guide! Educate yourself and everyone you know for the greater good. Don’t wait for your cat to lose another of their nine lives, buy today! Knowledge is power and safety is key, click “buy it now†and grateful you’ll be.All the stars!
I guess if you aren't giggling while reading this, you aren't getting the joke. Don't replace "kids where it says "cat". This book is literally just a joke. Stop being so serious. I dug it and I'm liberal as heck and so did my uber Republican better half. Because it's funny through and through
I decided to order this as my cat was out of control. Promiscuous, gun nut, and using the internet unsafely. I read her this book over the course of a month, and did some activities. I now have a well adjusted, polite, safe cat who enjoys life the way it was meant to be. Thank you.
For soooo long, I avoided Mr. Tails. He would run all over the house spilling my coffee, jumping into my 20 fish tanks, and sleeping in all of my empty cardboard boxes. But the one thing that separated us the most was his blatant disrespect he had when he handled my M107 Barrett .50 Caliber Sniper Rifle. I mean, talk about a careless feline. I'd come home to find 2 foot wide holes in my ceiling with him next to a smoking barrel. After months of frustration and pulling my hair out, I knew I needed to reach out to a close friend. Randy (no last name) caught me as I was heading into the company bathroom one day and said "You look terrible. Problems with the wife?" I wanted to scream and yell, "I HAVE NO WIFE, I HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND I LOVE MR. TAILS!" but the words never came out. I finally came to my senses and bought a $1200 plane ticket to Nepal where I could meet with the Dalai Lama to see if his wisdom could ease my relationship with my furry creature of terror. As I approached him, he looked me straight into the eyes and did not say a word but instead, raised his hand with what looked like a small brochure. Sure enough, it was. He said, "Go forth, speak with your hairball, begin to trust each other once more again." On the $1200 plane ticket back home, I read word for word everything on this brochure. I practiced my lines and gave rebuttal's to the numerous "MEOWS" I was going to receive. As the taxi driver pulled up to my house, I saw Mr. Tails on the front porch with my .357 Smith & Wesson Magnum Revolver pointed directly at me, clearly with the safety off. I approached him with caution and distrust. "I need to talk to you about how you're ruining our lives!" I yelled to him. We screamed, cried, laughed, as I sat with him reading word for word out of this astonishing brochure. Everything is back to normal again all thanks to The American Association of Patriots "How To Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety" pamphlet.
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